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I really don't know if I like women or not. I seemed pretty fucking sure at the age of 11 telling my mum I liked girls though. Thinking about that memory makes me feel uneasy and I can't tell if its because I don't resonate with that statement or if its because mum reacted poorly. I cringe thinking about that.
I dislike having crushes.
I have a crush on my ex.
I was immediately added to his cf list on insta, given his spotify, he send me selfies frequently and he calls me by my family nickname; he was the only non family I ever allowed to call me by it. Obviously it seems like the feeling is mutual, but I don't think I am his type and he still makes references to his exes on his cfs. Part of me believes he knows I like him and is leading me on, but in such a way that it can't really be labelled as that. Another part me of thinks his rumination on his exes is some weird ruse to pretend that he doesn't want me, but that is more than likely my ego talking. I haven't experienced ego death yet if you couldn't tell.
All of this could very much just be him viewing me as a close friend.
I was the one to break things off with both of my exes. I do like to feel in control, so I don't like feeling that these feelings are exclusive to me. Maybe this is karma, because I did something similar to my most recent ex.
Thing is I know my feeling wont result in anything, so I don't know why I'm even thinking about this. I would've never wished for normal girl experiences if I knew this was going to be one of them.
I have a crush on my ex.
I was immediately added to his cf list on insta, given his spotify, he send me selfies frequently and he calls me by my family nickname; he was the only non family I ever allowed to call me by it. Obviously it seems like the feeling is mutual, but I don't think I am his type and he still makes references to his exes on his cfs. Part of me believes he knows I like him and is leading me on, but in such a way that it can't really be labelled as that. Another part me of thinks his rumination on his exes is some weird ruse to pretend that he doesn't want me, but that is more than likely my ego talking. I haven't experienced ego death yet if you couldn't tell.
All of this could very much just be him viewing me as a close friend.
I was the one to break things off with both of my exes. I do like to feel in control, so I don't like feeling that these feelings are exclusive to me. Maybe this is karma, because I did something similar to my most recent ex.
Thing is I know my feeling wont result in anything, so I don't know why I'm even thinking about this. I would've never wished for normal girl experiences if I knew this was going to be one of them.
Hi again, back because I have nobody to talk to.
I was diagnosed with autism, I highly doubt the accuracy of my results. It might partially because I have a distorted view of autism and neurodivergent people; I can admit that, I am a product of the culture. I wish I was never assessed, it made me feel even more alienated. Whatever, I can deal with all of that later. At the moment I don't care about it.
_________
My ex (the one I got with in Fiji), I didn't tell you why I broke up with him. It was because I never liked him, but on our plane ride back he told me he had generated AI porn of me so presented that as the reason I wanted to break up. Even if I liked him I would've broken up with him after hearing that. I was pissed off and somehow not surprised. Our mutual friend stayed neutral throughout the situation, telling me that he seemed sorry and apologised and apparently that was sufficient enough. I blocked both of them and will never speak to them again. Fuck you both.
Remaining on the topic of exes, my first ex reached out to me while I was at work. I broke up with him four years ago because the relationship was moving too fast, a codependency was building and we were both way too immature for what we were trying to get out of the relationship. He messaged me apologising for how the relationship ended, assuming he had hurt me (despite me communicating to him during our break up that I was ending things because we had moved too fast and we were both too young do be doing what we were trying to do). I told him that I felt no resentment and anything he may had done was forgiven years ago. We are back to being friends again.
We had been friends since we were six, we were very close. After the break up I never heard from him again, directly or indirectly through friends or social media posts. He didn't have the most stable life, so yes, I was worried. When he messaged me I was so happy to hear from him. I think my feelings for him never left because they've resurfaced again like a volcanic eruption. I have an inkling that the feeling is mutual, just based off the way he messages me. I doubt that anything will be done with these feelings. I don't know how a round two would end.
He's a good man and I miss him a lot.
________
My sessions with my psychologists haven't done much. Whenever I try to bring up different problems I feel like the sessions are steered towards problems that the more general population has. Like when I tried suggesting my low self esteem and bad emotional regulation are the products for being in a toxic school environment for a decade she (my psychologist) pushed the conversation towards my parents- specifically my mum. Obviously they have played their part in cultivating my current mental state, but I know that my school environment was the main source. So that's how most sessions go.
________
Almost 5 weeks into university, studying psychology, not art. Everyone was surprised. I have talent and skills, but no passion. That's no artist.
University, so far, was not as bad as I had thought it would be. The friends I made I can tell will be temporary, the friendships will last maybe a year before we become acquaintances. Nothing wrong with that, but to have a good, solid, lasting friendship with another girl would be nice. Its something that comes so naturally to other girls.
It really just feels like an exaggerated high school. I'd say I am content.?
________
Every time I open up to my parents I always regret it. After being diagnosed with autism I asked my mum how she felt about it, she had nothing to say. When I asked my dad he said that I seemed to be fine and that it didn't seem to affect me. For some reason that upset me. I know he doesn't know anything about autism, not to say I'm an expert, but considering he suggested that Elon Musk saluted because he was autistic says a lot.
I later asked mum about the diagnosis again. She started talking about how I never acted like the severely autistic boys at her work (she's a childcare worker) and so that there was no way for her to know. I got upset and told her its called a spectrum for a reason and that autism doesn't always look the same in girls. I told her about how I didn't even recognise I was being bullied when I was a kid because it wasn't direct and I couldn't pick up on the subtleties of the situation. She then got upset and started talking about how she felt like she had failed me as a mother. I got even more upset at that.
My sister just turns the whole thing into a joke, which I don't know why, but usually I'm fine with it. I can tell she knows more about autism than my parents. That might be why. Sometimes it gets annoying though.
When my mum was talking to me about my PCOS she mentioned that I should take supplements. I told her that's fine, but she then suggested that it could improve my autism. Obviously this pissed me off. I told her herbs wont change the condition of a neurodevelopment disorder. I was laughing the entire time I was explaining this to her. I was so agitated.
This shit is so lonely, I wish I was never diagnosed.
________
Two or so days ago my mum said that the reason I eat so much might be because there's worm in my stomach. Its already been established that I suffer (yes, suffer not 'have', I hate this) from binge eating disorder. So of course this upset me. I really don't understand how hard it is to think before you speak.
About my eating disorder, it hasn't gotten better. I actually think its getting worse. I have no idea what to do, I rely on it to keep me afloat since I'm self harm free.
I was diagnosed with autism, I highly doubt the accuracy of my results. It might partially because I have a distorted view of autism and neurodivergent people; I can admit that, I am a product of the culture. I wish I was never assessed, it made me feel even more alienated. Whatever, I can deal with all of that later. At the moment I don't care about it.
_________
My ex (the one I got with in Fiji), I didn't tell you why I broke up with him. It was because I never liked him, but on our plane ride back he told me he had generated AI porn of me so presented that as the reason I wanted to break up. Even if I liked him I would've broken up with him after hearing that. I was pissed off and somehow not surprised. Our mutual friend stayed neutral throughout the situation, telling me that he seemed sorry and apologised and apparently that was sufficient enough. I blocked both of them and will never speak to them again. Fuck you both.
Remaining on the topic of exes, my first ex reached out to me while I was at work. I broke up with him four years ago because the relationship was moving too fast, a codependency was building and we were both way too immature for what we were trying to get out of the relationship. He messaged me apologising for how the relationship ended, assuming he had hurt me (despite me communicating to him during our break up that I was ending things because we had moved too fast and we were both too young do be doing what we were trying to do). I told him that I felt no resentment and anything he may had done was forgiven years ago. We are back to being friends again.
We had been friends since we were six, we were very close. After the break up I never heard from him again, directly or indirectly through friends or social media posts. He didn't have the most stable life, so yes, I was worried. When he messaged me I was so happy to hear from him. I think my feelings for him never left because they've resurfaced again like a volcanic eruption. I have an inkling that the feeling is mutual, just based off the way he messages me. I doubt that anything will be done with these feelings. I don't know how a round two would end.
He's a good man and I miss him a lot.
________
My sessions with my psychologists haven't done much. Whenever I try to bring up different problems I feel like the sessions are steered towards problems that the more general population has. Like when I tried suggesting my low self esteem and bad emotional regulation are the products for being in a toxic school environment for a decade she (my psychologist) pushed the conversation towards my parents- specifically my mum. Obviously they have played their part in cultivating my current mental state, but I know that my school environment was the main source. So that's how most sessions go.
________
Almost 5 weeks into university, studying psychology, not art. Everyone was surprised. I have talent and skills, but no passion. That's no artist.
University, so far, was not as bad as I had thought it would be. The friends I made I can tell will be temporary, the friendships will last maybe a year before we become acquaintances. Nothing wrong with that, but to have a good, solid, lasting friendship with another girl would be nice. Its something that comes so naturally to other girls.
It really just feels like an exaggerated high school. I'd say I am content.?
________
Every time I open up to my parents I always regret it. After being diagnosed with autism I asked my mum how she felt about it, she had nothing to say. When I asked my dad he said that I seemed to be fine and that it didn't seem to affect me. For some reason that upset me. I know he doesn't know anything about autism, not to say I'm an expert, but considering he suggested that Elon Musk saluted because he was autistic says a lot.
I later asked mum about the diagnosis again. She started talking about how I never acted like the severely autistic boys at her work (she's a childcare worker) and so that there was no way for her to know. I got upset and told her its called a spectrum for a reason and that autism doesn't always look the same in girls. I told her about how I didn't even recognise I was being bullied when I was a kid because it wasn't direct and I couldn't pick up on the subtleties of the situation. She then got upset and started talking about how she felt like she had failed me as a mother. I got even more upset at that.
My sister just turns the whole thing into a joke, which I don't know why, but usually I'm fine with it. I can tell she knows more about autism than my parents. That might be why. Sometimes it gets annoying though.
When my mum was talking to me about my PCOS she mentioned that I should take supplements. I told her that's fine, but she then suggested that it could improve my autism. Obviously this pissed me off. I told her herbs wont change the condition of a neurodevelopment disorder. I was laughing the entire time I was explaining this to her. I was so agitated.
This shit is so lonely, I wish I was never diagnosed.
________
Two or so days ago my mum said that the reason I eat so much might be because there's worm in my stomach. Its already been established that I suffer (yes, suffer not 'have', I hate this) from binge eating disorder. So of course this upset me. I really don't understand how hard it is to think before you speak.
About my eating disorder, it hasn't gotten better. I actually think its getting worse. I have no idea what to do, I rely on it to keep me afloat since I'm self harm free.
number one
Dec. 25th, 2024 10:21 pmPart of me wishes that my best friend wasn't with his current boyfriend, mostly because I hate being second place. I don't really understand the appeal in his partner.
He admit to me recently that when I first moved he was looking for an opportunity to get with me, which asking if I was queer two days into the friendship (he's transmasc- more androgynous presenting) now made sense. Which by the way, I don't think I am.
He asked me if I was queer before he met his current partner. His partner is shorter than me, though with far better fat distribution, looser curls, Indian and a more secure identity- at least from what I can tell.
He sometimes makes jokes about his type being brown people. It doesn't help. I don't have feelings for him and if my self esteem wasn't so low I wouldn't care about it and I'd be good friends with his boyfriend.
Genuinely I don't understand what caused me to have such low self esteem. This is actually pathetic. I'm sure there's plenty appeal in his partner that I just refuse to see because I don't want to feel worse about myself, but being wilfully ignorant like this doesn't help.
He admit to me recently that when I first moved he was looking for an opportunity to get with me, which asking if I was queer two days into the friendship (he's transmasc- more androgynous presenting) now made sense. Which by the way, I don't think I am.
He asked me if I was queer before he met his current partner. His partner is shorter than me, though with far better fat distribution, looser curls, Indian and a more secure identity- at least from what I can tell.
He sometimes makes jokes about his type being brown people. It doesn't help. I don't have feelings for him and if my self esteem wasn't so low I wouldn't care about it and I'd be good friends with his boyfriend.
Genuinely I don't understand what caused me to have such low self esteem. This is actually pathetic. I'm sure there's plenty appeal in his partner that I just refuse to see because I don't want to feel worse about myself, but being wilfully ignorant like this doesn't help.
Some short updates since it's been a while.
I went on a Year 12 mission trip to Fiji, we renovated a church. I got into a relationship with my friend that I knew wouldn't end well and it didn't, he admit to doing something when we were still friends that I couldn't look past and we broke up as quickly as we had gotten together. I'm not nearly as sad as I feel like I should be.
I snuck into his hotel room the night before we flew back and it got touchy, I suppose. I felt more anxiety than I did excitement or joy or arousal.
I miss him, but I miss him as a friend, not a boyfriend.
I got a far higher ATAR than I was expecting to get, I'm able to get into the courses I want to. A genuine surprise, I was so happy. I now have enough time for a job, though I'm starting with volunteer work just to ease myself into it since I have that luxury.
I'm excited for uni too, I've been trying to be optimistic about it. The idea of starting over and meeting new people is exciting.
I'm 290 days (nearly 10 months) self harm free! I'm still struggling with binges, but I'll get there. I'm trying really hard to love and enjoy the process and not fixate on the goal.
It's late and I'm supposed to get up early tomorrow so good night or good morning or good afternoon!
I went on a Year 12 mission trip to Fiji, we renovated a church. I got into a relationship with my friend that I knew wouldn't end well and it didn't, he admit to doing something when we were still friends that I couldn't look past and we broke up as quickly as we had gotten together. I'm not nearly as sad as I feel like I should be.
I snuck into his hotel room the night before we flew back and it got touchy, I suppose. I felt more anxiety than I did excitement or joy or arousal.
I miss him, but I miss him as a friend, not a boyfriend.
I got a far higher ATAR than I was expecting to get, I'm able to get into the courses I want to. A genuine surprise, I was so happy. I now have enough time for a job, though I'm starting with volunteer work just to ease myself into it since I have that luxury.
I'm excited for uni too, I've been trying to be optimistic about it. The idea of starting over and meeting new people is exciting.
I'm 290 days (nearly 10 months) self harm free! I'm still struggling with binges, but I'll get there. I'm trying really hard to love and enjoy the process and not fixate on the goal.
It's late and I'm supposed to get up early tomorrow so good night or good morning or good afternoon!
a friends "aroace" dilemma
Oct. 3rd, 2024 09:19 pmHII ! Been a while ^^
I'm back because I feel like I can't take my anger anywhere else.
My friend again elaborated on his earlier confession, being that he was attracted to me, over dms. He's been openly aroace for some time, but has known for a while that the label doesn't suit him anymore due to his attraction towards me. He told me that he's still been holding onto his identity as an aroace individual because he doesn't want to come to terms with being attracted to me. He doesn't want to ruin the friendship and so he feels that the aroace label stops him from doing anything stupid because he has this image to upload.
The situation is odd because he's going to me, the subject of the attraction, to process his attraction and identity crisis. At first I was ok with it, but now I suddenly feel icky.
He's egotistical and sees himself as better than others for not getting entangled in romantic and sexual desire. It really pisses me off. He said he wants to be the guy friend that doesn't view others as sex objects. Wow. That pissed me off because I thought he was already that- the bare minimum.
Considering he knows about my past male friends who did view me in a sexual light he feels like some boy saviour. Fuck it pisses me off. Can't he be like this because he's a good person and not to feel superior to people in my past? Why does he view former male friends as competition, why does he want to be better than them and not just be a better person in general?
Why is it a competition? The male brain is so fucking stupid.
I feel icky because prior to this we've seen each other shirtless (I still had my bra on) which may not seem that big of a deal, but it is to me because my bare body is private and I don't like letting anyone see too much of my skin. It was more of a comforting thing- loving our bodies type of thing, since we both have some excess fat- kinda "flabby" looking I guess. Though, now within this context I feel disgusting.
Talking to him has become a chore.
He probably thinks if he asked me to be his girlfriend there's a decent chance I'd say yes. I would not. There is nothing about him I find attractive.
He once said in the gc that it was a shame he's aroace because he felt that we'd make a good couple, the way he said it made it sound like I'd be down for it. Egotistical dickhead. He really pisses me off.
I'm back because I feel like I can't take my anger anywhere else.
My friend again elaborated on his earlier confession, being that he was attracted to me, over dms. He's been openly aroace for some time, but has known for a while that the label doesn't suit him anymore due to his attraction towards me. He told me that he's still been holding onto his identity as an aroace individual because he doesn't want to come to terms with being attracted to me. He doesn't want to ruin the friendship and so he feels that the aroace label stops him from doing anything stupid because he has this image to upload.
The situation is odd because he's going to me, the subject of the attraction, to process his attraction and identity crisis. At first I was ok with it, but now I suddenly feel icky.
He's egotistical and sees himself as better than others for not getting entangled in romantic and sexual desire. It really pisses me off. He said he wants to be the guy friend that doesn't view others as sex objects. Wow. That pissed me off because I thought he was already that- the bare minimum.
Considering he knows about my past male friends who did view me in a sexual light he feels like some boy saviour. Fuck it pisses me off. Can't he be like this because he's a good person and not to feel superior to people in my past? Why does he view former male friends as competition, why does he want to be better than them and not just be a better person in general?
Why is it a competition? The male brain is so fucking stupid.
I feel icky because prior to this we've seen each other shirtless (I still had my bra on) which may not seem that big of a deal, but it is to me because my bare body is private and I don't like letting anyone see too much of my skin. It was more of a comforting thing- loving our bodies type of thing, since we both have some excess fat- kinda "flabby" looking I guess. Though, now within this context I feel disgusting.
Talking to him has become a chore.
He probably thinks if he asked me to be his girlfriend there's a decent chance I'd say yes. I would not. There is nothing about him I find attractive.
He once said in the gc that it was a shame he's aroace because he felt that we'd make a good couple, the way he said it made it sound like I'd be down for it. Egotistical dickhead. He really pisses me off.
I am so starved for male love I have to resort to affirming ASMR videos. I know more people probably listen to them than I'd expect, but its just so embarrassing. I feel really fucking ugly all the time.
My friend made a confession to me- over text, that whenever he's away from me for too long he begins to feel attracted to me, but once he sees me in person it all disappears. I think to him the concept of me is attractive, but not my actual person. It's wrong, but I imagine having sex with him and start to cry because I thought of how ugly I'd look in that situation and to him.
When we first met I felt some attraction to him, but those feelings left really quickly. Our friendship hasn't changed in the slightest after he confessed. The conversation wasn't awkward either, at least for me, it hurt though.
My friend made a confession to me- over text, that whenever he's away from me for too long he begins to feel attracted to me, but once he sees me in person it all disappears. I think to him the concept of me is attractive, but not my actual person. It's wrong, but I imagine having sex with him and start to cry because I thought of how ugly I'd look in that situation and to him.
When we first met I felt some attraction to him, but those feelings left really quickly. Our friendship hasn't changed in the slightest after he confessed. The conversation wasn't awkward either, at least for me, it hurt though.
Maybe its because I've been stuck in the house for the majority of the week, but I really do feel so ugly. I kept thinking about how I've only ever gotten romantic attention from a man once, and that's because I was nice to him. I don't think he inherently found me attractive, he didn't even know me properly- only whatever version of me he conjured in his head. I know I'm ugly because the world tells me so. People also don't like when you mourn over being ugly like this, but how can I not. I feel so ugly. I try to be feminine, which sometimes makes me feel good and apparently men also like it when women dress more feminine, but nothing comes of it. I want someone to find me pretty and tell me that I'm pretty before I degrade myself and they then feel obligated to. I've been trying, I promise you I have, but I don't think I have it in me.
I want to talk to someone that gets it, but I'm only friends with men. They just brush me off, they don't understand. I really want someone to love me, but I'm so unappealing.
I want to talk to someone that gets it, but I'm only friends with men. They just brush me off, they don't understand. I really want someone to love me, but I'm so unappealing.
why am i so mad
Jan. 10th, 2024 04:53 pmGenuinely what is wrong with me? Why does this friend irritate me so much? Maybe its because he's doing everything I want to do? But then that's stupid because what is stopping me? I'm already working to reach that level anyways. It might be a combination of things.
I had a conversation with dad two nights ago? One night ago? I've already forgotten. Well, I told him that I was feeling lonely, he said he felt lonely at my age too. He said that I've got friends and family, I said that my friends don't feel like friends and my family doesn't feel like family. I've never felt a connection with anyone and that I'm only close to him and my younger sister. He said he understands.
I started talking about University and moving out. I said that I'm scared of being trapped in this state, never finding and curating meaningful relationships even in University. After University it'll feel like all my chances to make friends are gone.
I wanted to talk to him about my fear of ending up alone without a partner, but I knew for certain he'd laugh at me. Not mockingly, but because the fear is dumb, I guess?
All of these fears and having this friend, that I still cannot figure out if he's actually pretentious or not, be much closer to having everything I want is making me feel irritated. NO, wait actually, as I typed that last sentence out I remembered that he's also unhappy with the number of friends he has. Well, it's still kinda different from me because I feel no connection to the people I call friends, he does, but he just wants more friends. What the hell am I upset about? Everything about him is just above average, not extraordinary. Why am I mad?
Maybe it's because he tells me things I don't want to hear? I rant a lot on my Insta spam account and he always replies and tells me what I have to do to resolve it. Things I'm not doing to the best of my ability. That also might be it, or at least part of the reason. Maybe I don't like the help, especially because he's a man. Accepting help from a man isn't a bad thing, but I have a problem of thinking that they all are doing it just to look down on me, which logically makes no sense. That's a whole other conversation.
Speaking of my Insta spam account, I posted many stories complaining about how far behind I am at life compared to everyone else and how I'm missing out on the classic teen life and experiences. I mentioned how pissed I was when people would tell me that missing out on teenage romance was nothing to be upset about- because it very much is something to be upset about. This was something my friend did say to me, he said that I wasn't missing out on much; like he'd know that- an aromantic that has never been in a relationship. Indirectly telling him how I felt about what he said via the spamming was childish and dumb. He replied to my story and apologised if he was every impatient with me in regards to me ranting about being a lot slower than everyone else.
The problem is me, it's just me. I want to speak to a bloody psychologist.
I had a conversation with dad two nights ago? One night ago? I've already forgotten. Well, I told him that I was feeling lonely, he said he felt lonely at my age too. He said that I've got friends and family, I said that my friends don't feel like friends and my family doesn't feel like family. I've never felt a connection with anyone and that I'm only close to him and my younger sister. He said he understands.
I started talking about University and moving out. I said that I'm scared of being trapped in this state, never finding and curating meaningful relationships even in University. After University it'll feel like all my chances to make friends are gone.
I wanted to talk to him about my fear of ending up alone without a partner, but I knew for certain he'd laugh at me. Not mockingly, but because the fear is dumb, I guess?
All of these fears and having this friend, that I still cannot figure out if he's actually pretentious or not, be much closer to having everything I want is making me feel irritated. NO, wait actually, as I typed that last sentence out I remembered that he's also unhappy with the number of friends he has. Well, it's still kinda different from me because I feel no connection to the people I call friends, he does, but he just wants more friends. What the hell am I upset about? Everything about him is just above average, not extraordinary. Why am I mad?
Maybe it's because he tells me things I don't want to hear? I rant a lot on my Insta spam account and he always replies and tells me what I have to do to resolve it. Things I'm not doing to the best of my ability. That also might be it, or at least part of the reason. Maybe I don't like the help, especially because he's a man. Accepting help from a man isn't a bad thing, but I have a problem of thinking that they all are doing it just to look down on me, which logically makes no sense. That's a whole other conversation.
Speaking of my Insta spam account, I posted many stories complaining about how far behind I am at life compared to everyone else and how I'm missing out on the classic teen life and experiences. I mentioned how pissed I was when people would tell me that missing out on teenage romance was nothing to be upset about- because it very much is something to be upset about. This was something my friend did say to me, he said that I wasn't missing out on much; like he'd know that- an aromantic that has never been in a relationship. Indirectly telling him how I felt about what he said via the spamming was childish and dumb. He replied to my story and apologised if he was every impatient with me in regards to me ranting about being a lot slower than everyone else.
The problem is me, it's just me. I want to speak to a bloody psychologist.
of low value
Nov. 27th, 2023 07:30 pmI am more conservative leaning. When I search for social commentary on YouTube, the inevitable subject of relationships, marriage and family arise.
From what I've observed, conservatives do not shy away from telling people that your looks matter when you want to attract a partner. They promote beauty in that way.
Liberals do as well, but I often see them combatting the beauty standards and attempting to dismantle them altogether.
While I believe that what can be considered beautiful changes, many things that men and women are attracted to are biologically built into them. Things that will most likely remain absolute even with social change.
I am not ugly, nor beautiful. I'd consider myself average. I am in my prime, which will not last long. I have a fear that I will never find a partner within this timeframe. I don't see myself "glowing up" as I get older. Yes, people can find love at any age, but it is significantly harder to maintain your appearance the more you age. I'm not entirely focusing on personal beauty when looking to entire a serious relationship, but it is the thing I lack the most, Yes, a person's physical beauty is not (or at least it shouldn't be) extremely significant when maintaining a relationship, but, again, it is still somewhat important. It is especially important when looking to attract someone (along with a great array of other things, but I'm only talking about beauty here).
I know that I am not attractive to men and that should not be debilitating- and it isn't for me, but it is discouraging. I don't think it's wrong to want validation from the opposite sex, it is normal- biological- even. As long as an individual doesn't see the validation as the end-all be-all off their character then I think its ok.
I am, generally, an anxious person and knowing that I'm not attractive to men makes me spiral into believing that I will never experience a teen romance, young love- anything of the sort. My first relationship was a middle school one, that lasted two months. It only worked because it was mostly an online one- as we were quarantined then. It wasn't built on mutual respect, attraction or anything like that- rather- obsession, illness and insecurity. I ended it. I haven't been in relationship since and I'm close to leaving my teen years. It scares me- my lack of experience.
Despite all this, I am not desperate. I say that after writing how much being alone scares me, hehe, but I'm really not. Desperate people settle, which is something I will never do.
My thoughts on this aren't very coherent, but I'm sure you can get the general sense of my worries.
From what I've observed, conservatives do not shy away from telling people that your looks matter when you want to attract a partner. They promote beauty in that way.
Liberals do as well, but I often see them combatting the beauty standards and attempting to dismantle them altogether.
While I believe that what can be considered beautiful changes, many things that men and women are attracted to are biologically built into them. Things that will most likely remain absolute even with social change.
I am not ugly, nor beautiful. I'd consider myself average. I am in my prime, which will not last long. I have a fear that I will never find a partner within this timeframe. I don't see myself "glowing up" as I get older. Yes, people can find love at any age, but it is significantly harder to maintain your appearance the more you age. I'm not entirely focusing on personal beauty when looking to entire a serious relationship, but it is the thing I lack the most, Yes, a person's physical beauty is not (or at least it shouldn't be) extremely significant when maintaining a relationship, but, again, it is still somewhat important. It is especially important when looking to attract someone (along with a great array of other things, but I'm only talking about beauty here).
I know that I am not attractive to men and that should not be debilitating- and it isn't for me, but it is discouraging. I don't think it's wrong to want validation from the opposite sex, it is normal- biological- even. As long as an individual doesn't see the validation as the end-all be-all off their character then I think its ok.
I am, generally, an anxious person and knowing that I'm not attractive to men makes me spiral into believing that I will never experience a teen romance, young love- anything of the sort. My first relationship was a middle school one, that lasted two months. It only worked because it was mostly an online one- as we were quarantined then. It wasn't built on mutual respect, attraction or anything like that- rather- obsession, illness and insecurity. I ended it. I haven't been in relationship since and I'm close to leaving my teen years. It scares me- my lack of experience.
Despite all this, I am not desperate. I say that after writing how much being alone scares me, hehe, but I'm really not. Desperate people settle, which is something I will never do.
My thoughts on this aren't very coherent, but I'm sure you can get the general sense of my worries.
