ugly

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Maybe its because I've been stuck in the house for the majority of the week, but I really do feel so ugly. I kept thinking about how I've only ever gotten romantic attention from a man once, and that's because I was nice to him. I don't think he inherently found me attractive, he didn't even know me properly- only whatever version of me he conjured in his head. I know I'm ugly because the world tells me so. People also don't like when you mourn over being ugly like this, but how can I not. I feel so ugly. I try to be feminine, which sometimes makes me feel good and apparently men also like it when women dress more feminine, but nothing comes of it. I want someone to find me pretty and tell me that I'm pretty before I degrade myself and they then feel obligated to. I've been trying, I promise you I have, but I don't think I have it in me.

I want to talk to someone that gets it, but I'm only friends with men. They just brush me off, they don't understand. I really want someone to love me, but I'm so unappealing.