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feminine energy
Dec. 21st, 2023 02:00 pmI have lost a lot of empathy over the past few years. It could be because when growing up you learn what to prioritise and what you just have to let go.
I think it's because I had to detach myself from my mum in order to minimise my mental suffering. The more I cared about what my mum was doing to herself, what I could not change, the more it hurt me. Maybe I should still care, but in mum's pursuit of fake fleeting joy, she has hurt- not just myself- but my dad, my sister and even our pet cat.
I used to pride myself on my emotional intelligence, but because empathy has been escaping me more and more, the more ignorant I become. I don't care about people the way I used to and I have become quite selfish.
Another reason could be the loss of a feminine figure. I thought the idea of "feminine energy" sounded corny and stupid, but it does exist and none of it is in my household. With the loss of feminine energy came a loss of empathy and humility. I try to cope by making my exterior as feminine as possible. I rely on my appearance as a source of femininity too much.
--
This morning there was a- seemingly- dead bird placed perfectly in front of our door. Dad put it in a garbage bag and tossed it onto the other side of the road. My sister said it was still alive, that she saw it moving. I started to feel bad and thought about how the bird may very well be suffocating to death. Dad didn't care and he smiled dismissively.
--
I wish there was feminine energy in his house. I don't ever feel feminine, I don't even feel like a girl.
I think it's because I had to detach myself from my mum in order to minimise my mental suffering. The more I cared about what my mum was doing to herself, what I could not change, the more it hurt me. Maybe I should still care, but in mum's pursuit of fake fleeting joy, she has hurt- not just myself- but my dad, my sister and even our pet cat.
I used to pride myself on my emotional intelligence, but because empathy has been escaping me more and more, the more ignorant I become. I don't care about people the way I used to and I have become quite selfish.
Another reason could be the loss of a feminine figure. I thought the idea of "feminine energy" sounded corny and stupid, but it does exist and none of it is in my household. With the loss of feminine energy came a loss of empathy and humility. I try to cope by making my exterior as feminine as possible. I rely on my appearance as a source of femininity too much.
--
This morning there was a- seemingly- dead bird placed perfectly in front of our door. Dad put it in a garbage bag and tossed it onto the other side of the road. My sister said it was still alive, that she saw it moving. I started to feel bad and thought about how the bird may very well be suffocating to death. Dad didn't care and he smiled dismissively.
--
I wish there was feminine energy in his house. I don't ever feel feminine, I don't even feel like a girl.
