June

Jul. 4th, 2025 09:55 am
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[personal profile] superbadgirl
I feel like if one's goal is to root out fraud in programs, the actual solution isn't scorching the earth and hurting countless people unnecessarily while also padding the coffers of the already uber rich. I know that the problem is that fundamentally there are a lot of people who resent anyone who "hasn't worked for it" the way they have and they feel no compulsion at all for sharing wealth. As for me, since way back in sociology class in high school (which I don't think is even taught anymore) I have always felt that if everyone can have some and I have enough to give without genuinely harming my own welfare, then why get so bent about sharing? You can ensure that others are taken care of as well as still leading a comfortable life yourself. No? Anyway, a great many people would rather not do that, I guess, and to top it off also look down on anyone who perhaps hasn't made the same choices or experienced the same opportunities...

That is all. Go, 'Murica? Sigh. And for saying that, I'm undoubtedly viewed as unpatriotic. Compared to the guy defacing the American flag by sewing a "don't tread on me" flag to the back and waving it proudly from the back of his big ass truck that I followed home last night, I guess I am. Haha.

June photos, a little late.

Futon Fun
^My neighbor finally sold her house. She had wanted to sell it furnished, but the sellers did not want her stuff, so she was cleaning out. She had a beautiful turquoise sofa she was trying to get rid of, perfect for my small guest room, so I took that and set my ratty old futon out for someone to grab. It sat for almost a week, then finally disappeared one Thursday. On that Saturday, I was on my morning walk at the middle school when I looked up and... Yes, that is my old futon. I laughed so hard.

Awkward Stage
^Two of the goslings from May, at that awkward stage.

Curious Deer
^Walking one morning, Walter and I went up on someone's property for some reason - he has never pulled me that way before. This deer and another had been grazing in someone else's yard and followed us. They got within 3-4 feet. I am guessing they had a fawn stashed and they were ready to fight us if needed. Walter was oblivious to them.

Newborn
^Speaking of fawns...

It's been bittersweet, though, because a couple of weeks ago, again on morning walk, we came across a fawn on the sidewalk. It was clearly ill. We don't have any kind of wildlife rescue for deer, so I had to call the police, who had to put it down. I cried that day, and the next when I found the cop hadn't even removed the body or put it somewhere (there was a copse of trees and blackberries near he could have put it), but it was down at the bottom of a hill. Either tossed down or a bird of prey came to try to carry it away. I cried even harder at that. I should have done what my instinct told me and went home for a box and brought it home to die and receive at least a respectful and peaceful resting spot. :(

Sunshine on my shoulders
^Stunning.

I also had a couple of emotional setbacks in June from the January incident. My trauma buddy said she's still working through it too.
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[personal profile] zesty_pinto
The breach has been mostly contained. Flies have only numbered one now while the smells have been fainter. Our home is full of candles to mask the smell and it makes me feel like I'm ready to start covering my desk in healing crystals. We just came back from a water run thankfully now that the car is back from a hit and run.

Oh that's right, I didn't talk about the hit-and-run over here. It's been a bit dramatic over here, hasn't it? tldr: NJ driving, amirite??? )

Between that, there's been a lot of work and allergies have been keeping me down, so work's been obnoxiously slow.

We also realized an easier way to get to NYC aside from Edgewater which is GORGEOUS but also FULL OF GWB TRAFFIC when we found that Staten Island was relatively easier to drive through, so we tested a trip to the Staten Island ferry.

Let me tell you: Staten Island? Kind of in rough shape. But also? Not that different from driving around any other dense but underdeveloped Jersey town. Free ferry was crowded but free and very doable and parking is less stressful compared to Edgewater at comparable rates. I can tell it's also built around a mall to find people excuses to spend money while getting shots of the Statue of Liberty and I'm okay with this. Sadly, a lot of it closes up earlier than I think is good. Also, there's a minor league stadium right there and it looks like it gets frequent use, which is awesome AFAIC.

We kind of figured out a bit more in the process and realized that the St. George ferry goes ironically all the way to where Edgewater's ferry drops us off and is less crowded because you pay for it but also it's less crowded so we're being bougie and using that now. I think it's less annoying and more photogenic for us to take the ferry, so our weekends are going to be based around trying to utilize the ferry more. We'll have an excuse to check out Roosevelt Island again for the first time in awhile! Yay, pneumatic garbage!

Michelle's gotten stronger, which is awesome. She's now carrying close to my weight but a lot less sweatily. I am jealous, yes.

I'm going to add that I'm writing this post while waiting for a work macro to resolve, so I think I'm going to call it now since it's cleaned out enough. AMA

Amontillado, Part 2

Jul. 2nd, 2025 11:29 am
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[personal profile] zesty_pinto
There's a new smell in town.

A week ago there was a sound of scurrying around my room and I thought another squirrel got inside but when I checked the roof it turned out the sound was not from up there (it's too damn hot to be up there anyway), so I figured it was something in the walls. Well I was proven right because now we've got a smell and flies are finding a way inside.

I've used up a tube and a half of sealing caulk and while it's been a great way to figure out where to where the breaches in the walls are, it's been a neverending fight as I fill in door frames, screw holes, and light panels with caulk and then wiping out excess and plastering my hand to mummy status. There is caulk on a bunch of things that I did not want to have caulk on thanks to a faster curing one we just switched to (Michelle wanted it to be quicker) while I am trying my best to figure out why the lower floor is starting to smell like corpse.

Sure I'm learning a shitload about how to caulk effectively but also learning that I could not handle living next to a abattoir, to the surprise of no one but also this goddamn smell.

The flies that find a way in here are also annoying as hell as I don't know where they're coming from. There's some holes that I realized are big enough for them to squeeze out of but also I thought I sealed them well enough but maybe not now and the frustration continues.

If this is a rodent of some kind, I'm told this will be a week or two.

It's been awhile since I posted and there's obviously a lot more but this has been my current fixation and I guess since I took a day off (woke up with a nasty headache and all this), I figured I might as well post this.

pennyback

Jul. 2nd, 2025 12:29 pm
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[personal profile] regalecidaer
Is it really over for the penny? That's it? I feel sorry for the penny. Penny is a nice name.

This might be the first time in my life that I've ever missed the winter. I miss it so much. Since I was doing more academic work with established due dates I got more time to spend by myself. The laptop I borrowed from my mom still worked. I hate Apple products at all times save for the moments they bring fond memories, or when they look cool, like the old colorful clamshell laptops.

The gusts of cold air (harshly) greet us the moment we crack the door open here in the wintertime; it is arguably the most effective excuse for not going outside for long periods of time. I spent so much time in my room. I drew. Oh, did I DRAW!!! I drew every day like there was no tomorrow, as if the next morning I'd wake up with my hands completely absent from their place attached to my wrists. It was an urgent feeling. Constantly.

I was caught up in all sorts of strange and weird and self-indulgent things, especially relating to that awful game I was fixated on. I was listening to the same song over and over again for weeks on end! And I kept on relapsing, but I was so miserably happy... god damn, I was crazy in the winter. Those strange bursts of internal joy I get are so painfully short-lived.

It seems all the emotions I experience are invisible to everyone around me. I'm often told I look unwell, or downright mournful, but I know for sure I'm not. I'd argue I feel more strongly than the average person. What does it matter, anyway? Parents, teachers, siblings, classmates, even strangers, why should I even care? Why even tell me? I really am happiest when I'm alone. I can recognize how I feel. Put it to name. Feel it in its entirety. Isn't that all that matters? That I'm doing alright?

Well. All that is gone now. I'm just bummed out. My parents want me to get a job now that I'm getting a little older. What even ever. The thought alone of growing up makes me sick. I wonder how old I look? At my last appointment, the nurse asked me what grade I was in. I can't really tell what that means.

My thoughts are extremely scattered right now. I don't know. I'll fix this up later.

take it on the chin

Jun. 24th, 2025 11:15 pm
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[personal profile] regalecidaer
I'm bored. I don't have any friends. I don't like anyone. My art is mediocre. I don't like my art. I don't like any of the games I play on the computer. All I've been playing is minesweeper, and I suck at that, too! What a joke!

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