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happy birthday, uncle
Dec. 27th, 2023 09:04 pmWe went to Grandma's house again today, to celebrate Uncle's birthday. We were supposed to go to the city today. I planned to buy something I could relapse with, so it's a good thing that we didn't end up going. It greatly depressed me at the time though, made me even more determined to relapse. In little ways like this I am very lucky (this is my very first time acknowledging it, I hope I don't jinx it).
Dad and I were the first to get there, at around 11am. Grandma was in the kitchen and Uncle was at the dinning table (he lives with Grandma). He's basically nocturnal since he works odd hours. After we talked for a bit, Aunty and her two sons arrived (I talked about them in the previous entry). I talked to her youngest, mostly about year 12 since we're both the same age. Then, at around 1pm my other Uncle, and his four sons finally showed up (his wife and youngest son showed up later with presents).
I mostly talked to my two cousins that were around my age. Talking to them made me happy and my thoughts of relapse left. We talked about formal, VCE, our dating scenes, uni and a bunch of other stuff.
Uncle's wife told me that I should pursue art after she heard me say that I've been thinking about doing psychology since "art doesn't pay". I said that I really want to, she said I should. She told me that she cleans for a guy that's a painter and how his family is well off because he was able to make a living out of his art. I again told her that I really want to pursue art. She said I should chase my dreams. I told her that my Dad has been subtly discouraging me from going into art. Every time I'd talk about psychology he'd smile. He would tell me how good of a psychologist I'd be. He constantly talks about how AI has fucked all artists over, how there are no jobs left. She told me not to listen to him.
We sang happy birthday, we cut the cake(s). I was given an easel as a late Christmas gift. I didn't expect to get anything at all. It made me happy.
Grandma began to talk about the importance of family and Christ whilst crying. Everyone was silent and took in her words, despite there being verbal fights between brothers moments before. I could hear the eldest cousin crying behind me. She said that we shouldn't be afraid to talk to other members of the family if we are suffering. She also talked about how education should be made a massive priority. How it sets us up and our future families forever. She then addressed all our parents, her children, individually. She told them to look after us, the kids.
She talked about my Dad and how it has only been him, my sister and I that had been visiting- clearly saddened by Mum's absence. She looked at me in the eyes when she said this. I know that she's been worried for my sister and I after she learnt about Mum and her fiancé.
After Grandma finished speaking my older cousin, who had been crying behind me, said: "thank you, Grandma".
Aunty then went after Grandma and said that if any of us are struggling, we should talk to each other. She said that mental health is important. Uncle (not the birthday boy, the one with five sons) said that mental health that goes unchecked and unspoken can become dangerous. Dad then said that having a good education will set us up for life.
The talk about mental health was very nice. I kept thinking about how much better Dad's side is in comparison to Mum's.
Circling back to Aunty, she went around all of the kids and asked us to list one achievement we obtained in 2023. Footy finals, acting, basketball, catching up on maths, kickboxing, graduating, losing weight and mine was "I don't know". She filled in for me and asked, "moving schools?" I agreed. I didn't have anything else.
We all kept talking till 3pm. Dad and I decided to leave and before we left, we had our photo taken. We all stood outside and Uncle's wife took photos of us as a group.
My cousin sent me the photos after we left. I look better than I did in last year's photos.
Dad and I were the first to get there, at around 11am. Grandma was in the kitchen and Uncle was at the dinning table (he lives with Grandma). He's basically nocturnal since he works odd hours. After we talked for a bit, Aunty and her two sons arrived (I talked about them in the previous entry). I talked to her youngest, mostly about year 12 since we're both the same age. Then, at around 1pm my other Uncle, and his four sons finally showed up (his wife and youngest son showed up later with presents).
I mostly talked to my two cousins that were around my age. Talking to them made me happy and my thoughts of relapse left. We talked about formal, VCE, our dating scenes, uni and a bunch of other stuff.
Uncle's wife told me that I should pursue art after she heard me say that I've been thinking about doing psychology since "art doesn't pay". I said that I really want to, she said I should. She told me that she cleans for a guy that's a painter and how his family is well off because he was able to make a living out of his art. I again told her that I really want to pursue art. She said I should chase my dreams. I told her that my Dad has been subtly discouraging me from going into art. Every time I'd talk about psychology he'd smile. He would tell me how good of a psychologist I'd be. He constantly talks about how AI has fucked all artists over, how there are no jobs left. She told me not to listen to him.
We sang happy birthday, we cut the cake(s). I was given an easel as a late Christmas gift. I didn't expect to get anything at all. It made me happy.
Grandma began to talk about the importance of family and Christ whilst crying. Everyone was silent and took in her words, despite there being verbal fights between brothers moments before. I could hear the eldest cousin crying behind me. She said that we shouldn't be afraid to talk to other members of the family if we are suffering. She also talked about how education should be made a massive priority. How it sets us up and our future families forever. She then addressed all our parents, her children, individually. She told them to look after us, the kids.
She talked about my Dad and how it has only been him, my sister and I that had been visiting- clearly saddened by Mum's absence. She looked at me in the eyes when she said this. I know that she's been worried for my sister and I after she learnt about Mum and her fiancé.
After Grandma finished speaking my older cousin, who had been crying behind me, said: "thank you, Grandma".
Aunty then went after Grandma and said that if any of us are struggling, we should talk to each other. She said that mental health is important. Uncle (not the birthday boy, the one with five sons) said that mental health that goes unchecked and unspoken can become dangerous. Dad then said that having a good education will set us up for life.
The talk about mental health was very nice. I kept thinking about how much better Dad's side is in comparison to Mum's.
Circling back to Aunty, she went around all of the kids and asked us to list one achievement we obtained in 2023. Footy finals, acting, basketball, catching up on maths, kickboxing, graduating, losing weight and mine was "I don't know". She filled in for me and asked, "moving schools?" I agreed. I didn't have anything else.
We all kept talking till 3pm. Dad and I decided to leave and before we left, we had our photo taken. We all stood outside and Uncle's wife took photos of us as a group.
My cousin sent me the photos after we left. I look better than I did in last year's photos.
